Stuff that Jeanne says

There is no rhyme or reason…

Archive for the tag “Random”

Train Wreck

As if I didn’t have enough going on already, I decided to join twitter. I’m still trying to get used to this website, and now I add another. My husband hates me. But I have decided to devote my time to  my addictions, after he goes to bed. What a good wife I am! But tonight I am finding it difficult to concentrate on any task, because I am completely mesmerized by Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC. I wish that you could see my facial expressions while I watch this show. My eyebrows are pointed inward, my nose is scrunched up and my lips are pursed and frowned as if I just bit into a lemon! I’m not going to  rant and rave about how awful I think this show is because if you’ve seen it you already know what a train wreck it is. Why do I watch it? I love watching train wrecks, and knowing I’m not one of them. Well, I guess not in the way of being a pageant mom. Thank goodness I have a boy, that’s all I have to say about that.

I wanted to start this blog page so that I could get used to writing what’s on my mind, instead of just writing a paper for a cultural anthropology, or sociology course. I love to write. Ever since I was a child, I loved to put my thoughts down on paper. I used to sit in my room and write short stories that included mostly mystery, sci-fi, and horror! I would read them to my parents, and they would act like it was the best thing ever. It wasn’t until my mid 20’s that I realized I also have a witty, sarcastic, and humorous side. Most of my blogs will include that side of me, but I also like to be serious at times.  I am the type of person that WILL discuss politics and religion with anyone. I like a good friendly debate. I like controversy. I love the law. I like a good challenge.

School will be starting for me again in January, and I am not looking forward to it because I know that I will have to sacrifice some things, but it’s for the greater good. I have a year and a half left until I apply for law school, and it’s scaring the crap out of me! What if no one wants me? What if I can’t afford it? What if I can’t manage the coursework? For once in my life, I have a goal and I plan to stick to it not matter what obstacles I am presented with. I want to prove to myself, and my son, that you can do anything you want in this lifetime and to not just think about it, but to just do it.

So between working 40 hours, managing a household (5 yr old boy, 34 yr old husband, cat and dog, paying bills, grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc..you know the deal) hitting the gym, blogging, and going to school please pray for me that I don’t become too much of a train wreck, lose my hair, start snorting adderall  or become a raging alcoholic, and commit myself to an institution! Thanks!

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My Life Is Being Ruined

Jugando con el Motorola Dext de �scar Rodr�guez...

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Because my phone is busted. Yup! Completely busted the hell up! And I am being completely tortured by it. I do everything with that thing. I text, chat, facebook, pay bills, check the weather, take pictures, use the calculator, mapquest, stalk people, and listen to music. But I absolutely do not ever talk on it. My phone also serves as a great hand warmer. I use the darn thing so much, it feels like it may just spontaneously combust at any moment!

I have a Motorola Cliq android phone that I bought almost 2 years ago! It doesn’t have insurance, because honestly, I never waste my money on those bullshit policies. I used to sell them, I know what it’s all about. I’ve had customers walk out on my ass for pushing them to buy the insurance, but what the hell? It paid more commission than the phone itself. And when the customer came back saying “well the sales girl told me if i dropped it and it got ran over by a mack truck, it was covered!” all I could do was run and hide!

So, my phone isn’t completely dead. I can still do all of those things, but not in stride. To talk on the phone (which i just said I don’t do) The phone must be on speaker. This is actually a fantastic broken feature. Since I hate talking, I can just ignore the call, and text the person back telling them I am in a public place and my phone only works on speaker! You should try it too, and from the comfort of your bed at home while watching House Hunters.

My cliq has a touchscreen and a slider. But, the whole left side of my touch screen is paralyzed. As if it came down with a case of Bells Palsy. This makes it hard to dial numbers, text, or select certain icons. So, I have moved all the icons to the right side! I don’t use touch to text, but when I want to text someone, I have to open the slider, type, shut the slider and hit the send button, because nope, the send button doesn’t work when the slider is open. Feel my pain yet?

I really do want to replace it, but my contract isn’t up until March. I hate cell phone companies. 2 year agreements should be outlawed. I could buy a crappy prepaid phone, but at this point it’s principle.

I know some of you can relate, and some of you think I’m crazy. I have become completely hooked on a small technological device. Why not? There is so much in this World that cannot be missed. I am a cell phone junkie. I really needed to vent my frustration. Oh boy! Oh boy!! I can’t WAIT for March (as long as it doesn’t blow up before then!)

Totally Busted

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I hate typing “LOL”

I don’t know why, I just do. Along with LMAO, LMFAO, ROFLMAO, OMG, WTF, WTH, & this one especially, FML.

I mean really, are we rolling on the floor laughing our asses off? Are you really laughing, or just being kind? Because in real life, we just laugh. We don’t go to those extremes. Yea, sometimes you can tell from a laugh, whether it is a genuine, good ol’ hearty one, or if it’s just a sympathy laugh. My husband knows exactly when I give him a courtesy laugh. He gets pretty offended by it. Maybe next time I should try rolling on the floor just to make him happy.

I guess LMAO would be equivalent to maybe a knee slapper? We all know it’s not possible to really laugh your ass off. But if you want to be even more dramatic, just throw the F in between the M & A.

I guess I don’t like writing them, because I feel like a conformist and that is just not me. I am the type of person that likes to go against the grain at times. However, if I had to pick one that I liked the most, than it would have to be WTF. Now THAT is something I do say!

I can just imagine how many people out there over the age of 50, that see these all the time on their facebook pages, or in texts from their kids and grand kids and have no idea what it means. I have had to explain to the older generation on a number of occasions exactly what they all stand for.

And i bet they feel really hip when they finally know! (Oh little Jimmy, you’re so silly!)

So this is what it has come to. I guess it’s okay. I will continue to text and type LOL, LMAO, & WTF. Otherwise how will people know that I think they are funny, or that I am trying to be funny? Or  that I am angered by something. Truly I am just LIMH (laughing in my head) when I write LOL, and when I write WTF, what I am really saying is (AYFKM) Are you fucking kidding me? But my abbreviations just don’t seem to jibe as well.

How to Drive Like a Rhode Island-ah!

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I have lived in Rhode Island for approx 30 years, been driving for 18 years, and the type of job that I have I am on the road all day, 5 days a week. But, it doesn’t take rocket science to know that Rhode Island has some of the WORST drivers in America! I found an article from last year citing Providence, Rhode Island as #6 for the worst drivers in the U.S., here, check it out! http://www.businessinsider.com/cities-with-most-car-crashes-2010-10#6-providence-ri-11

The article is from last year, but I can’t see that it has gotten any better in the past 12 months. So, if you ever decide to move to this glorious state with loads of character(s), here are some tips on how to drive with the best of ’em! And if you already live here, chances are, this is you!

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any rear end accidents, fender benders, road rage, or any mishaps that may occur after reading this. 

1. Don’t ever use a directional, or blinker as we call it here. If I am behind you, and you are turning into the Dunkin Donuts, my psychic abilities will allow me to know to slow down, or brake suddenly so that you can make your turn.

2. If you are trying to pull out onto oncoming traffic, and you can count to three before the next car approaches, you have plenty of time to make it before getting t-boned. (this is called “cutting people off”)

3. If you are elderly, by all means, please drive in the middle of two lanes. After all, you have made it to 85 years old, it IS your god given right to do as you please. (do us a favor and hand in your license)

4. Don’t take the highway. For whatever reason, many Rhode Islanders I know, will not take the highway. They are scared of yielding, or  going over 50 mph. Whichever the case, they take side roads everywhere they go. Forget about grandma coming to visit you kids if you live anywhere that involves jumping on Rt. 95!

5. Brush up on your four letter words. You will need them for the person who doesn’t use their blinker, cuts you off in traffic, and drives in two lanes. If swearing is against your religion, or you have an impressionable toddler in the backseat, hand gestures work just as well. There is always the middle finger. You can hang this one out the window while moving your lips to say “fuck you”, your child will be none the wiser. Then there are the two hands thrown up in the air gesture as to say “what the hell are you doing?”  Just be careful, this is also called road raging, and things can turn ugly!

6. Practice the “Rhode Island slide” If you’re not familiar with this one, here’s how it works. If you’re trying to turn left out of a driveway or parking lot, and there are no cars coming from the left, slide right out there and wait for someone on your right to let you go. If traffic is approaching on the left, they most likely will not hit you, but there are no guarantees. Do not make eye contact. I repeat, do not make eye contact! Focus on the traffic to your right, and then when you are finally set to turn, make you sure to wave thank you to both parties!

7. Know where all the speed traps are in every city and on all highways. The state is so small, that the police are limited as to where they can hide. You will know when to slow it down in no time!

There you have it. Don’t be scared, be defensive. You will need to replace your brake pads or rotors quite often, you will pay sky high rates in insurance premiums, and you may end up with high blood pressure. But this is what it takes to get from A to B in the Ocean State. Good luck and happy driving!

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