Stuff that Jeanne says

There is no rhyme or reason…

Archive for the category “humor”

I’m sorry, I was playing Words with Friends…

Words With Friends

Image via Wikipedia

This is what I have been saying lately, since discovering the Words with friends app on facebook. I never had the ability to play from my phone, and since playing on Facebook, I have, well lets just say, been slacking at life. Sure, let’s add something else for the technology addicted person.

To my 5 year old: I’m sorry that I didn’t make you dinner tonight, but I was playing Words with Friends.

To my husband: I’m sorry that I didn’t do laundry this weekend and that you have no clean underwear, but I was playing Words with friends.

To my boss:  I’m so sorry I didn’t get my paperwork done, but you know, (I wasn’t playing words with friends), I was just very behind and overwhelmed.  Can’t admit THAT to my boss, I’m no dummy!

And of course to you all: Sorry, I was playing this awful game and couldn’t think of anything to write except a few 3-4 letter words, and where am I going to place that damn Z?!

What is it about this game that’s  got me so hooked? Do people think they can spell, because honestly I see what you write in some of your Facebook posts.  We hated doing this stuff in school. But there’s just something about the challenge of creating a 60pt word and feeling victorious! However, I suck royally at this game, and all I ever smell is defeat. Even though I was the Spelling Bee champion 3 years in a row at an urban public middle school. Just sayin..

Wow, that's all I can say..

So far I have only won 3 out of 10 games! But what gets me about this game, is that I have a feeling people cheat. Is it just that I can’t believe I haven’t won more, or is it true that they do? I mean, some of these words I’ve never heard of, and I am guilty of just placing tiles to see if they do make words, but how many people actually will google letter combinations, or have an app on their phone. I wonder.  I can’t do it though, I feel that if I cheated I wouldn’t feel as victorious if I did actually win a game! But hmm, I can only take embarrasment so much that maybe cheating just once would be okay? Maybe? Winners never cheat, and cheaters never win.. remember that kids..whatever that means..

Well, I am hoping one day I will grow out of this WWF phase and get back to “normal” , but until then I will keep playing, keep getting beat, and keep sucking at life.

I gotta go now, It’s my turn!

p.s. I avoided any bad Alec Baldwin jokes because I just couldn’t think of anything..and I really like him…and I can see why he got all po’ed when asked to put his phone down on the airplane.. it wasn’t entitlement it was  WWF!!

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Username and password overload

With the ever changing abundant use of technology these days, it’s no wonder our brains aren’t fried yet. I know many of you out there like myself  suffer from what I like to call UPO or Username password overload.

English: A Master padlock with "r00t"...

For me, it starts first thing in the morning. When I get up, I just HAVE  to log into my Facebook  to take my turn in Words with Friends and to see who commented on anything I may have posted the night before. Okay, don’t judge me, I know you do it too. Then, I check my bank statement  to make sure that I haven’t overdrawn my account yet before payday and that I have enough in there to buy my morning coffee so I don’t have to rob my child’s piggy bank. After that, I might check Twitter.. just because. Then my AOL,  Verizon, and Gmail mailboxes because maybe I got a new coupon that I could use (for some reason most coupons come through at 3am, weird), or I could get some information on an actual legit work from home business and I wouldn’t have to go to work! So, before I head to the office I have already entered 6 different combinations of usernames and passwords. These are fairly easy to remember since I am using them daily, and most likely more than once. But it gets trickier as the day goes on….

I get to work and it’s time to log into my netbook provided to me by the company. Before I can even get into my company email, I have to enter 3 different combos of usernames and passwords  just to get there! I am one of those people at work that hardly logs in and checks their email. I am the one that the MIS department sends emails out to remind people to clean up their inbox. As of right now, I have about 1,000 messages in my inbox, and about 2,000 in my deleted file! So that tells you I am a major slacker and  when logging into my netbook, I have to really think hard about what my login info is. Most times I get locked out for too many attempts and then have to track someone down to reset me. Super annoying. How am I supposed to get any work done? Sheesh…

I pay all of my bills online. Why not? It saves time and money, and it lets me get by without worrying if I sent the check out too early and taking the risk of it bouncing! (i’m terrible at saving money!) But, it can get quite bothersome when you have to log into your-utilities, cable, credit cards, car loans, cell phone, and insurance policy websites. Did I use this email address or that email address? Is there a capital letter in my password and is it 5 digits or 6 digits, or a combination of letters, numbers, and sometimes special characters?? Overload!!

Username and/or password incorrect. Are you kidding me? Which one is it username OR password for crying out loud?! How am I supposed to remember? Sure, I could write them all down on one piece of paper, but then where did I put it? I will never keep my computer logged into a site, or let Google chrome remember my password. That to me is a hackers paradise. I also don’t want to use the same username and password for every site either because I feel that if they can hack into one account with that info, they are going to check to see if it works on another.

Miraculously, I am able to remember my usernames and passwords 95% of the time. Occasionally I will forget one or two, and then scramble to find the piece of paper that I actually did write it down on. There are still some other sites that I use occasionally that I didn’t mention above and sometimes those make up the other 5% like Netflix, a rewards program website, myfitnesspal, my 401k account, YouTube, etc…It just kills me to have to re-enter my account info, check my email on how to reset my account, and answer questions like what was the name of your first pet, or what street did you grow up on?

But we do it… HOW do we do it? Our brains are on overload yet they still manage to remember a variety of letters, numbers and characters  for 20 different websites yet  sometimes I can’t even remember what I ate for dinner the night before! And to think, in high school I had to have the maintenance man come and break the lock off of my locker a number of times because I couldn’t remember the combo!

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“Defriending” on Facebook

So, I defriended someone today on facebook. I don’t normally do this, because I always feel like they are going to know and it’s going to be awkward when we run into each other. But you know what? When you run into someone who is a facebook friend, and it IS awkward because they don’t even say hello, then off the list they go!

But I wish that there was some sort of drop down menu to select from when you defriend someone. If there were, I would like to add these as the options

a. You are just too weird

b. I can’t stand the constant overly dramatic posts, and you need meds

c. You stalk my page, and I know this because you commented on a photo I posted 6 months ago

D. You didn’t say hi to me when we ran into each other in public

Facebook logo

Crackbook

The reason I defriended someone today is because of D. Let me tell you what happened. I was walking into the gas station, and I saw her walking out so I politely (as I always do) hold the door for her. I noticed it was an old friend from high school, and I said hello. She avoided eye contact at all costs and said “thank you”  WHAT??!! I felt like running over to her and saying, I said HELLO dammit!! But I didn’t. Why should I chase her down to simply acknowledge me? Even after I left, she was still there putting windshield washer fluid in her car and STILL could give a crap.

Now this wasn’t just some person in high school that I would pass in the hallway and say hi, or occasionally eat lunch with, but a good friend that I spent alot of time with. We used to borrow clothing, share tapes,  yes tapes, and CD’s, and party together. Well, i guess I forgot to give her back her Tribe Called Quest tape, because one time YEARS after high school I ran into her again while I was working at Circuit City. There wasn’t no hello, how have you been, what have you been up to…It was, “do you still have my Tribe Called Quest Tape?” I felt like saying NO, but we have the CD over in the music department. Really lady? Friends borrow stuff and don’t give them back, don’t you know? Just the other day I saw my friend wearing a sweater and I said, hey that looks familiar…It was a sweater I let her borrow almost 10 years ago!! (and before you say anything, even though it was a sweater from a decade ago, it wasn’t “out of date”)

The Lost Tribes (album)

So, facebook, please add a drop down menu so while defriending people  we can tell them just how bad they suck!

BUH-BYE

Circuit City Pluggie mascot used from 1998 to ...

Pluggy!!!

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Heaven and Hell…..

I heard this from a coworker today, and I just wanted to share…..I can’t find the original author, so I will give my coworker the credit! haha!

I am not a racist, nor am I perfect..it’s just humor people..laugh a little….

Heaven and Hell

Heaven is where…

The police are British

The mechanics are German

The cooks are French

The lovers are Italian

The teenagers are Japanese

The movie makers are American

The musicians are Russian

The women are Swedish

And the whole thing is organized by the Swiss

Hell is where….

The police are German

The mechanics are French

The cooks are British

The lovers are Swiss

The teenagers are American

The movie makers are Japanese

The musicians are Swedish

The women are Russian

And the whole thing is organized by Italians…

-Co-worker ‘o mine

Staying “InTouch”

A co-worker left a few of her celebrity gossip magazines at the table yesterday and of course my first reaction was to stop what I was doing and immediately pick one up to read it. I love keeping up with upper crust of society. I like to live vicariously through them, and feel better at the end of the day knowing that they have real life problems like we do! Times a 100!!! But with more money! Once a week I will pick up one of these magazines at the register while unloading my groceries onto the belt. Only the ones with the “real” stories in them, you know? But recently I have refrained. Times are a little tight, and I figured I would save my 2.99 and just follow the celebrity gossip twitter pages on my feed! But there is just something about having that magazine in hand.  I just wanted to share a few thoughts on some of the stories I have read.

First of all the cover shows three “Bachelorette’s” in their bikinis and I can almost guarantee that this edition didn’t fly off the shelves. I don’t know many women who are running out to get that one. As a matter of fact, my coworkers husband actually grabbed this one for her when he was doing a little shopping. Hmm…Besides, I want to read this magazine so I can get the latest celebrity gossip, not to see how these skinny D-list reality celebrity bitches are going to lose weight in the new year! If I wanted to lose weight, I would buy the low-calorie recipe book next to it…morons!

So with that said, let’s get started…(and by the way, I really wanted to add pictures from the magazine to go along with each story, but I don’t know what kind of legalities would come into play if I did that and  i’m broke so I have to watch my back! Instead I grabbed some fair use photos that appear to be safe)

Being a Real Housewives fan, one of my new favorite additions to the show is Brandi Glanville. If you don’t watch the show, she is the ex-wife of Eddie Cibrian, who left her for LeAnn Rimes. LeAnn Rimes? Really? There is a picture of them getting all snuggly in their snow gear, and a caption saying that LeAnn gave him an “antique box with 50 reasons why I love him”, for Christmas. Are times a little tough LeAnn? Don’t worry, he will think of 50 reasons why to cheat on you. BARF!

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL - JUNE 05: (EXCLUSIVE CO...

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Reese Witherspoon. I admire her first of all for Legally Blonde, but also because she is always depicted as this super mom, who is an A list actress, and always makes her kids her priority. The magazine shows a  picture of her and her son boogie boarding in Hawaii. That must be so nice..

Legally Blonde

Legally Blonde (Image via RottenTomatoes.com)

Flip  a few pages down and you will find J-Lo, who has to be having a mid life crisis or something because she is seeing a 24 year old go go dancer. Really it’s no suprise, we know what kind of awful taste she has in men. But on the side of the page shows a “manny” trying to take control of her son Max who is throwing a tantrum and the parents are nowhere around.  Shame

Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez (Image via RottenTomatoes.com)

I came across a photo of Lil Wayne at a Lakers game, in a pair of camo shorts and ski boots. Said he was on his way to a K-12 afterward. Lil Wayne skis?

English: Black & White photograph of Lil Wayne...

Image via Wikipedia

Poor Jessica Simpson. Everytime they show her in a magazine, they show a before “super skinny” photo compared to a current not so skinny photo. I’ve always felt a little bad for this girl. She does fit the description of every blonde joke out there.  Poor thing! She can’t help it. But now she is pregnant and they are STILL showing super skinny photos next to her current ones! She’s with child for crying out loud! You look beautiful Jessica Simpson!

Jessica Simpson

Image via Wikipedia

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s two daughters setting up shop with a lemonade stand outside their house. I just thought that was the sweetest thing. Just because you are super rich and always in the media, doesn’t mean your children can’t have “normal” lives. Props

Of course it wouldn’t be a celebrity mag without 0ne of the Kardashian skanks in it. There is a big article about Kim being a homewrecker and how she helped ruin Kobe Bryant’s marriage. Umm, I think he had no problem doing that on his own. And I really just don’t care about the Kardashians enough to read this article, so I can’t tell you much about it.

Okay, I’m not going to lie. I stopped and read about how those skinny bitches on the cover planned to get skinnier but it’s nothing I think I’m going to try. I’m not going to try and eat what they say they eat, because I know they don’t even eat. How else are they supposed to make it big in Hollywood?

Katy and Russell are getting divorced..Jada’s secret divorce talks..blah blah blah.. we all saw that coming…and then flip the page and there are about 10 pages of what  the celebrity weddings are going to be like this year and what gowns they will be wearing.  That’s just cruel!

Okay, I said I don’t care about the Kardashians, but “Slimey Scott hits on a sales girl” LMAO! Kourtney, you are D-U-M-B!

Really? Are we still talking about Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo? They must be a space filler. I hope..But that’s okay Nick, you can fill my page…

Nick Lachey

A stupid story about Bristol Palin..Where the stars go to escape.. Inside someone’s celebrity home, and poking fun at fashion disasters. Of course these magazines wouldn’t be complete without all of those included.

As long as they keep making them, I will keep reading them. How else am I supposed to know what it’s like to be rich, beautiful and famous? Sometimes I feel like I need to get a life and not even care, but we are bombarded with it daily and it can make good conversation with others who share the same interest of stalking celebrities!

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Why I am a REAL housewife!

Some may disagree that I am not a housewife because I have a full time job, and I am going to school working towards a better career…however, I beg to differ.

house·wife – /ˈhousˌwīf/ 1. A married woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework.

(thank you Google chrome for the definition!)

So yea, out of the 168 hours of the week, I may spend 40 hours at work, and  50 hours sleeping, but the other 78 hours are spent tending to my very rambunctious 5 year old and my 34 year old man child husband..my dog and cat..cleaning, cooking, budgeting(aka dodging overdraft fees), paying bills, grocery shopping, , laundry..etc..etc..etc…..
Here is my confession. I am obsessed with every Real Housewives show on Bravo. My favorites being Beverly Hills and New Jersey. But, I want to petition that they change the name of the show. Half the women are not even married. They should change it to The Real housewives, divorcees, and baby mama’s of………Okay, I know that doesn’t sound as good, but you catch my drift? Another thing is why don’t they film one in New England? Are they afraid that there may be too many F bombs that they’d have to bleep out?  I know that I would never be cast on that show, the most expensive thing I own is a pair of Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses I bought at Sunglass Hut a year ago.

Deutsch: Logo

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - OCTOBER 11:  Cast members...

What it would be like to have “rich people problems”….
What dress do I wear to my friend’s daughter’s baptism-the Chanel with the Prada heels, or the Dior gown with the Louboutin pumps?
Will my stylist arrive in time to finish my hair and makeup before my friends arrive for the dinner party that I am throwing, where my personal chef will be preparing all of his best dishes?
Should we take the Range Rover or the limo?
Those options would be fabulous, and I am not going to lie and say that I wouldn’t love to have to decide between those things, BUT that will never be me and I accept that. I have a holiday party to go to tomorrow night at a friend’s house and this is what I will be doing to prepare.
I will reach in to my closet (because I can’t walk into it) and grab my new Angels jeans I bought at Kohls the other day I bought for $7.20 from the clearance rack and with a coupon!
I will run the brush through my hair for a little more volume after falling limp from running around all day, and touch up the makeup that I applied in the morning while asking my five year old to get dressed umpteen times.
I will most likely carpool with my two friends Toni and Tracy in Tracy’s 1998 Ford Expedition (sorry Tracy, I’m sure she still runs great!)

I will pop a frozen dinner in the microwave for my husband, because he will NEVER cook for himself.

And most of all I will have a lovely time with great friends , not having to worry about which one is talking about the shoes I am wearing, or the outfit I have on.
This is what makes me (and my friends) REAL housewives, and this is what Bravo would get if they came to New England!
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Better luck next time!

So, as I sit here and collect my thoughts for the evening, I remember that I played powerball last night! 104 million dollars is at stake. I haven’t checked my ticket yet to see if I am a multimillionaire. Somehow I think that if I sit on it and wait, the longer I wait the better my chances are of winning. Make sense? No I didn’t think so. See, if I am not so greedily anticipating the drawing, then maybe, just maybe, my lack of greed will be what helps me win. Hasn’t happened yet. The odds of winning last nights jackpot are about 1 in 195,249,054! Besides the obvious (dying in a plane crash, being struck by lightning) , I have better odds of becoming president (1 in 10,000,000), dying from parts falling from an airplane flying over me (1 in 10,000,000),  winning an academy award (1 in 11,500), and becoming a NY Times best seller (1 in 220).

I love when I hear people say that if they hit the lottery they would donate money to this, and donate money to that. They probably think that this will bring them good karma, and that they will win.  Hey, whatever works for you but I like my theory better.  I’m not trying to end world hunger, or solve the homeless problem. Nope, I am going to donate to the charity of me. Okay, I’m not that bad. I would definitely help someone who is in need. Maybe find a family that has lost everything and help them rebuild their lives. Or donate money to a Boys and Girls club that is in jeopardy of closing. This time of year, I would dress up as Santa and go to a children’s hospital and spread some cheer to the kids that can’t be at home with family and to the parents who are sacrificing everything to be by their child’s side.

They say winning the lottery is a curse. If it were a curse, I think I would have enough money to pay a witch doctor to remove it. I can’t believe no one  has thought of that yet! Dummies!  I always thought that it was just because you can’t give a poor person money. But in 2002  Andrew Jackson Whitaker won one of the largest jackpots ever, 314.9 million. He was a successful contractor who was living the American dream, but after winning the lottery,  his life turned to shit. One night he  spent over a 100,000 at a strip club  (lucky gals), and then when he was leaving he got in his car and noticed he had been robbed of over 500,000 in cash that he had left in it. Who the fuck does that?! Why would you leave that much money in your car asshole!? Are you waiting for Armageddon?  You would think after that, he would stop leaving cash in his car. No, he was robbed again not even a year later for over 200,000 in cash, that he left in his car! This dumb bastard lost, spent, or had stolen from him, 114 million dollars in 4 years! In his case he was just cursed with being an idiot dumbass.

Dumb ass Whitaker

Here is what I would do. Of course as mentioned above, I would help others in need and my close friends and family. I would buy investment properties on the East and West coast. I would travel the world to places like, Bora Bora, Macchu Picchu, and Tokyo (to name a few). What would you do? I guess I should check my numbers now. I will do it while you are here with me! Grab onto your seats people, I will be right back and let you know!……………………………………………………Well, I got one number….dammit…..You really didn’t think I was going to win did you?

Better luck next time I guess. But until then, I will continue to remind myself on how rich in health, family, and life I am (it just sure would be better with 100 million!) 🙂

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5 holiday gifts for that special someone….

Having trouble finding something for that special lady in your life? TV, Internet, department stores and catalogs are flooded with items for sale that are sure to put a sparkle in her life.

Sure… lava lamps, ironing boards, longjohns, soda stream soda makers, vacuum cleaners, shoe organizers and snuggies all make great gifts. But its 2011 people!And there is so much more out there!!

Screenshot from 80s SodaStream ad

Image via Wikipedia

Here are some gifts that will definitely tickle her fancy on Christmas morning, and sure to get you some action on Christmas night!!

1. Booty pop- retailed at $28-$40 “A booty-licious booty in an instant” What woman doesn’t want to look like one of the Kardashian sisters (except for maybe Khloe, poor thing, I like her the most) This is a win win for you guys out there. Wouldn’t you like to have a night on the town with a fine ass on your arm? Baby got back!

2. Pajama jeans- ONLY 39.95!!!! “Looks like denim, but feels like pjs!” You can get them in bootcut or skinny. Whichever your fashionista prefers! Throw these bad boys on, and you’re ready to go! Too exhausted at the end of the night to put your pajamas on? No need, just jump right into bed! Order now and you can get a free grey tshirt to go with it.  Valued at $100!

3. Slap Chop-$19.95 “Chop nuts in one slap!” Nothing says Happy holidays like, get in the kitchen and chop my nuts! And who wouldn’t want to buy something that helps the spokesperson pay for violent showdowns with prostitutes? The ladies will thank you!

4. This one has to be my absolute favorite. It’s called the Forever Lazy-for the low low cost of $29.95, you can bogo free! Now you and your partner can “get toasty WARM from head to toe”.  And who wouldn’t want to be lazy forever? We ARE Americans after all. I mean, you can wear this thing EVERYWHERE! Out on your deck while drinking coffee, family game night, and best of all while tailgating at a Patriots game with your friends! (We all know how cold it can get here in New England!) This one is so good I had to add the commercial.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S2p7AiNX9g

And don’t forget the easy access for when duty calls!!!!

5. And finally, the Eggstractor makes the perfect gift for that lady who is always boiling eggs. On sale this week for $12.99. “Tired of peeling eggs?…not anymore!”. I am sure every woman has enough space in her cabinets to hoard this bad boy.

So go on, get shopping! Buy one, buy all! And while your wasting your money on this crap, think to yourself “Why didn’t I think of that?”

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I hate typing “LOL”

I don’t know why, I just do. Along with LMAO, LMFAO, ROFLMAO, OMG, WTF, WTH, & this one especially, FML.

I mean really, are we rolling on the floor laughing our asses off? Are you really laughing, or just being kind? Because in real life, we just laugh. We don’t go to those extremes. Yea, sometimes you can tell from a laugh, whether it is a genuine, good ol’ hearty one, or if it’s just a sympathy laugh. My husband knows exactly when I give him a courtesy laugh. He gets pretty offended by it. Maybe next time I should try rolling on the floor just to make him happy.

I guess LMAO would be equivalent to maybe a knee slapper? We all know it’s not possible to really laugh your ass off. But if you want to be even more dramatic, just throw the F in between the M & A.

I guess I don’t like writing them, because I feel like a conformist and that is just not me. I am the type of person that likes to go against the grain at times. However, if I had to pick one that I liked the most, than it would have to be WTF. Now THAT is something I do say!

I can just imagine how many people out there over the age of 50, that see these all the time on their facebook pages, or in texts from their kids and grand kids and have no idea what it means. I have had to explain to the older generation on a number of occasions exactly what they all stand for.

And i bet they feel really hip when they finally know! (Oh little Jimmy, you’re so silly!)

So this is what it has come to. I guess it’s okay. I will continue to text and type LOL, LMAO, & WTF. Otherwise how will people know that I think they are funny, or that I am trying to be funny? Or  that I am angered by something. Truly I am just LIMH (laughing in my head) when I write LOL, and when I write WTF, what I am really saying is (AYFKM) Are you fucking kidding me? But my abbreviations just don’t seem to jibe as well.

How to Drive Like a Rhode Island-ah!

Image

I have lived in Rhode Island for approx 30 years, been driving for 18 years, and the type of job that I have I am on the road all day, 5 days a week. But, it doesn’t take rocket science to know that Rhode Island has some of the WORST drivers in America! I found an article from last year citing Providence, Rhode Island as #6 for the worst drivers in the U.S., here, check it out! http://www.businessinsider.com/cities-with-most-car-crashes-2010-10#6-providence-ri-11

The article is from last year, but I can’t see that it has gotten any better in the past 12 months. So, if you ever decide to move to this glorious state with loads of character(s), here are some tips on how to drive with the best of ’em! And if you already live here, chances are, this is you!

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any rear end accidents, fender benders, road rage, or any mishaps that may occur after reading this. 

1. Don’t ever use a directional, or blinker as we call it here. If I am behind you, and you are turning into the Dunkin Donuts, my psychic abilities will allow me to know to slow down, or brake suddenly so that you can make your turn.

2. If you are trying to pull out onto oncoming traffic, and you can count to three before the next car approaches, you have plenty of time to make it before getting t-boned. (this is called “cutting people off”)

3. If you are elderly, by all means, please drive in the middle of two lanes. After all, you have made it to 85 years old, it IS your god given right to do as you please. (do us a favor and hand in your license)

4. Don’t take the highway. For whatever reason, many Rhode Islanders I know, will not take the highway. They are scared of yielding, or  going over 50 mph. Whichever the case, they take side roads everywhere they go. Forget about grandma coming to visit you kids if you live anywhere that involves jumping on Rt. 95!

5. Brush up on your four letter words. You will need them for the person who doesn’t use their blinker, cuts you off in traffic, and drives in two lanes. If swearing is against your religion, or you have an impressionable toddler in the backseat, hand gestures work just as well. There is always the middle finger. You can hang this one out the window while moving your lips to say “fuck you”, your child will be none the wiser. Then there are the two hands thrown up in the air gesture as to say “what the hell are you doing?”  Just be careful, this is also called road raging, and things can turn ugly!

6. Practice the “Rhode Island slide” If you’re not familiar with this one, here’s how it works. If you’re trying to turn left out of a driveway or parking lot, and there are no cars coming from the left, slide right out there and wait for someone on your right to let you go. If traffic is approaching on the left, they most likely will not hit you, but there are no guarantees. Do not make eye contact. I repeat, do not make eye contact! Focus on the traffic to your right, and then when you are finally set to turn, make you sure to wave thank you to both parties!

7. Know where all the speed traps are in every city and on all highways. The state is so small, that the police are limited as to where they can hide. You will know when to slow it down in no time!

There you have it. Don’t be scared, be defensive. You will need to replace your brake pads or rotors quite often, you will pay sky high rates in insurance premiums, and you may end up with high blood pressure. But this is what it takes to get from A to B in the Ocean State. Good luck and happy driving!

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